"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
we should paint friendship bongs
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