1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Did I show you my penis last night?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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