We're facebook friends in real life
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I would fuck him just for his dog
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
