yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
