I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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