No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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