I could make wine with my vomit
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
