Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
