i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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