i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
