batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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