Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
