Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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