I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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