I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
