She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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