Sry I called you an 8
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
