oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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