I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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