Where did you get a picture of my penis
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
