4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
