Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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