I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
