The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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