Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
