Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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