I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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