Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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