I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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