he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Couch. On fire.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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