My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
