I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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