I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
