EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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