i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
