I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think people are normalizing furries
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
