it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize