Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
