Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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