it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
