You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize