did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
