So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
