dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
