Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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