Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize