Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
