I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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