yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
