is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
