He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
