Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
