ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize