i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
