Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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