apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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