Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
