I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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