I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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