We need to start having sex underwater more often.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
