he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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