Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
