Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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