I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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