when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
