Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize