Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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