I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
