he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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