you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
