A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
