I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
