I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
look no pants
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
