he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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