u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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