my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
