I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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