sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
