btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I love you.
Bad choice
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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