We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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