She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize